Overcoming patterns of Defeat

[09:25, 11/28/2019] Lindokuhle: *OVERCOMING PATTERNS OF DEFEAT* 1. What is a pattern ? Dictionary definition :- - A repeated decorative design - A model or design used as a guide in needlework and other crafts . *BIBLICAL MEANING* Any behavior you engage in that is self sabotaging that takes you away from what you want, or that distracts you from your goals. Also a behaviour that zaps your vitality ,leaving you exhausted and without access to the powerful energy you need to create your best life. *EXAMPLES OF PATTERNS OF DEFEAT* 1 ] Engaging in clear and obviously risky ventures 2 ]Procrastination 3 ] Self-seclusion 4] Missing appointments 5]Social withdrawal 6] Withholding ones needs 7] Giving up easily when facing adversity 8] Playing the role of a victim and easily sinking into vices. These are some of the examples. The list is longer. When you look into your life do you see examples of negative patterns? *Why the patterns of life mean something* If you pay close attention ,there must be patterns in your life. Your patterns differ from mine,but they are patterns. It may be from things you have been reading ,what you have been thinking for a while and only to find it in your life experiences ,conversation or what have you.... *Romans 12:2* *Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect* Just by observing patterns in ones biological or spiritual family ,whether one fail or succeed can be determined beforehand . Unless one is able to recognise any pattern present ,pray and in some cases fast to break these patterns ,one may end up facing the same challenges ones parents or family. *STEPS TOWARDS BREAKING DEFEATING PATTERNS* 1] Discover why you want to change . You will be motivated to change only when you clearly understand the reason why you want to change your life..eg if you want to reach a goal or if you are disgusted by your own behavior . *Ask God to reveal the reason* 2] Change your perceptions . Admit that the way you have been interpreting your life has been sabotaging your ability to break free of defeating patterns that are holding you back. Recognise you need God's help, give Him full access to your heart and mind and ask him to stop the generational dysfunction . Break any family cycle before it continues in your life. Give leadership of every part of your life to God. *Proverbs 3:5-6* Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths 4] Form Godly habits. Changing the way you think will change the way you live. Ask the holy spirit to renew your mind daily. *Philippians 4:8* [8] For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]. Pursue forgiveness Don't let bitterness and anger accumulate in your soul that will poison you spiritually and make you vulnerable to attacks from evil. Obey God's command to forgive others who have hurt or offended you as God has forgiven you or your own sins. Let God carry your burdens and give you power to move on to a healthier life. *Colossians 3:13* Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 6] Surround yourself with faithful friends . Friends who want the best for you, encouraging,supporting and holding each other accountable as you all grow closer to God. *Proverbs 18:24* 24 There are “friends” who destroy each other,but a real friend sticks closer than a brother. 7] Stay focused. Remain focussed on doing what God leads you to do each day to move beyond your past destructive life and build a new,healthier one. Aim to fulfill Gods purpose for you every day. Don't be discouraged when your progress seems slow . Continue following where God leads you.

Life has no classmates

Food for thought.... I was thinking this morning..... about our speed in this race of life. Last Sunday, I was privileged to attend the wedding of the daughter of my good friend and former classmate in the College. As I sat as part of the guests at the reception, listening to the proud MOB (mother of the bride) giving her speech, I reflected on how far we've come as former classmates in school. I considered how her children are of marriage-able age (the youngest just turned 20), while mine are still teenagers. I recalled another classmate of ours whose son just graduated as a medical doctor, but mine just about entering the University. As I pondered on why it seems I am lagging behind, the face of another of our classmate flashed by and I was reminded that his children are still in Primary school. At this point, it dawned on me that though we were all classmates and graduated together same year, life has shuffled us and placed us in different classes today. We were classmates in school, but not classmates in life. Everyone has his unique class. I concluded that in the school of life there are no classmates, because Life is a class of one. Life is a class of one. Hmm!!! That conclusion held me down for a bit. Ten years after I got employed in my dream job, getting a second promotion became a prayer point. One day, a colleague that we came in together on same level walked up to me and said 'Bro, na wao. We came in together and I have gotten three promotions and you, just one. Is there something you are not doing?' I left him feeling bad but not for long because soon after, I realised that in the school of life there are no classmates. Life is a class of one. He is on his path while I am on mine. Have you considered why, from the same branch of a tree you have both ripe and unripe fruits? The seeds were released same time, exposed to same nutrients and environmental conditions but yet some ripen before others. Identical twins that deliberately wait for each other to be in the same class, engage in the same business like P-Square (Peter and Paul Okoye) and even wed on the same day, will not get their wives pregnant on the same day. Life is a differentiator. My mind is made up that Life is a class of one. If it is true that in the school of life there are no classmates, because Life is a class of one, then why do we look at another and feel inadquate, like we are not where we should be? Why would someone that has been privileged to be in a somewhat lofty position look down on others like he is superior in some way? Life is a class of one. I am in my class for now (it can always change) and you are in yours. Do not sweat over the class others are in, because there are no classmates in life. If you like, give yourself double promotion like we do in those days, life will eventually place you in the class you are meant to be. Do not compare yourself with anyone, because you are in a class of one. There are no classmates in life. Let's ponder on this as we journey through life. ~Mentor 💕💕💕

Jesus Master Have mercy on Us

Jesus Master Have mercy on Us -Luke 17

Yesu kapita Samaria,
Wagonjwa kumi wakamuona
Wakiwa mbali wakamuita,
Mwalimu Yesu tuhurumie

{Yesu - Mnazareti tuhurumie
Yesu - Mwenye huruma akawaponya} * 2

Wakati wote Mwokozi Yesu,
Alipopita huku na huko
Aliwakuta walemewao,
Na kwa huruma akawaponya

Na hata sisi Yesu aweza,
Kuja kwetu tunapomuita
Kutuokoa toka dhambini,
Na kuwa naye huko mbinguni

Yesu capita of Samaria,
Ten patients saw him
When they were afar off, they called him,
Teacher Jesus have mercy on us

{Jesus - you have mercy on us.
Jesus - merciful healed them} * 2

All the time Savior Jesus,
Where he passed here and there
He found them what they said,
And with mercy he healed them

And even us Jesus can,
Come to us when we call him
Saving us from sin,
And be with him in heaven

Your wife

YOUR WIFE IS YOU...💓

1. Your wife is number one priorities in your life.
2. Your wife is your best friend, be friendly with her.
3. Your wife need foreplay, don’t rape her.
4. Your wife is not only good for sex, carry her along in every issue.
5. Your wife is a gift, appreciate her.
6. Your wife is not a family material, never commit her unto the hand of your family members.
7. Your wife is your joy, nourish her.
8. Your wife is to be cherish, be cheerful to her
9. Your wife is your portion, cherish her.
10. Your wife is not a devil, don’t dump her.
11. Your wife is not your enemy, encourage her.
12. Your wife is a rare gem, guide her jealously.
13. Your wife is not your rival, don’t compete with her.
14. Your wife is a female gender, honor her.
15. Your wife is not common, don’t compare her.
16. Your wife is not a wash hand base, stop abusing her.
17. Your wife is a weaker vessel, handle her with care.
18. Your wife is a beautiful queen, celebrate her
19. Your wife is not a fighter, don’t fight her.
20. Your wife is not a punching bag, don’t beat her.
21. Your wife is not a game, don’t play her.
22. Your wife is the bone of your bone, do not break her.
23. Your wife is a hook, get hook to her.
24. Your wife is all you love, praise her.
25. Your wife is important, honor her.
26. Your wife is what u make her to be, accept her.
27. Your wife is your joy, pursue her.
28. Your wife needs your honor, never embarrass her in the public.
29. Your wife is not a knife, be nice to her.
30. Your wife is a distinct personality, never compare her to any work.
31. Your wife is loyal, don’t be suspicious of her
32. Your wife is not a fool, listen to her advice.
33. Your wife is not malicious, do not keep malice with her.
34. Your wife is the best friend you can have, befriend her.
35. Your wife is not a napkin, do not misuse her.
36. Your wife is not your house girl, support her in the kitchen.
37. Your wife is passionate, do not by- pass her. Make Her Smile. Be Romantic with Her. She will love you More and More
38. Your wife is very important to you, do not abandon her.
39. Your wife is a queen, do not quarrel with her.
40. Your wife is not the only owner of the sit, help her to baby sit.
41. Your wife is reasonable, do not under rate her.
42. Your wife is your responsibility, provide for her.
43. Your wife is yourself, do not separate her bed.
44. Your wife is not perfect, forgive her.
45. Your wife is your treasure, jealously guide her. You will give account.

GIRLS, HOW IS THE VOLUME???

The dead-horse package

the dead-horse package

When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount, bury the horse and get a living horse. However, in Africa more advanced strategies are often employed, such as;

1. Buying a stronger whip
2. Appointing a committee to study the horse
3. Changing riders
4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
5. Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.
6. Re-classifying the dead horse as "living impaired".
7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
9. Providing additional funding to increase dead horse's performance.
10. Rewriting the expected performance requirement for all horses.
11. Promoting the dead horse to supervisory position.

Ugandan Economist and Author: Elly Twineyo-Kamigusha

PRICELESS MOMENTS OF FATHERHOOD

THE MOST PRICELESS MOMENTS OF FATHERHOOD:

1. Being told by your woman "I am pregnant", correction, "We are pregnant"

2. Aligning your life and priorities for the incoming baby

3. Watching your woman's belly swell

4. Feeling your baby kick in your woman's belly

5. Witnessing your woman sexy in a pregnant way, her change of clothes and body full and glowing

6. Wondering the gender of the baby and how the gender will affect your life

7. Deciding on names with the woman you love

8. The drama of labour pains or false birth alerts. This, you and your woman will remember years later and laugh at the good old days

9. Being present when your baby comes into the world

10. Cutting the umbilical cord as the father's honour

11. Looking at your baby's eyes

12. Falling in love with your baby

13. Drawing closer with God because you have witnessed the miracle of life

14. Watching your woman breastfeed

15. Having a young one so dependent on you

16. Having an excuse to act like a child when you're with your child. This is the only time a full grown man can make silly sounds and act like a foolish clown

17. Watching your woman looking at you with love as you carry your child

18. Getting attention from the public, people saying you are an awesome dad

19. Teaching a small life everything from scratch. This is more special than being a CEO of a profitable company

20. Having a young one in the house who makes sure the house is always warm and full of giggles even when you and your woman have a dull day

21. The chance to coach and mentor a child into an adult

22. Worrying about your child's health as this shows just how loving you are

23. Taking your child to school

24. Being proud of your child's performance in school

25. Having a brilliant being looking up to you and who keeps you in check, focused and hardworking

26. Having adult conversations with your child who has shaped up so well

27. Delegating responsibilities to your reliable child

28. Being celebrated on Father's Day, during your Birthday and every day in life

29. Watching your child take off in life

30. Being bought for lunch by your own child

31. Being advised and taught by your grown up child

32. Missing your child who moved out. Cherishing a phonecall from your child

33. The society calling you blessed for having such a great child; your child bringing you honour

34. Having annual family dinners with your child/children and the mother of your child/children

35. Marrying off your child to a suitable partner

36. Having an additional child who is your child's spouse

37. Making business investments together with your child

38. Advising your child on proper parenthood; you set the best example

39. Being taken care of by your child when you're aged

40. Your name living on through your child

41. Being remembered as the Best Dad

42. Making your Heavenly Father proud by being such a responsible earthly father

When All is gone

*SHALOM*

*MORNING DOSE*

*💕NOMATTER THE SITUATION- DO NOT GIVE UP💕*

*✍GOD'S SILENCE A TEST OF FAITH*

*Isaiah 43:2*
*"When you go through deep waters, I will be with you."*

*Psalm 37:5*
*"Commit your way to the Lord. Trust in Him, and He will act."*

*Romans 8:18*
*"The pain that you've been feeling, can't compare to the joy that's coming."*

*Proverbs 31:25*
*"She is clothed in strength, and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."*

 *Joshua 1:9*
*"Be bold. Be brave. Be courageous."*

*Isaiah 41:10*
*"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."*

 *Isaiah 66:9*
*"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord."*

Dear friend, you feel like giving up! Let me encourage you today.

God’s silence is not an indication of God’s unwillingness to meet your need. God’s silences serve to test our faith and to remind us that He operates on a different schedule than we do.

Take heart today, dear friends! There is hope! Today might be the day when the Master responds to your cries. Today might be the day when you see that mountain moved in your life. Today might be the day when you come to Him and call on Him to be saved. Today might be the day when God speaks in your soul and says, “It’s going to be all right! I’ve taken care of it.” Today might be the day when His peace replaces your pain and you get the help you need.
Bring that need to Him again today. Bring it with faith in your hear that He will hear you; that He will help you and He will fix it. Bring it to Him and place it in His hands. Watch Him take it and make it as it ought to be. You say, “but brother, you don’t understand how big my problem is.” That is true, I don’t know what you need or where you are today; but I know a God Who can meet you where you are and help you get what you need today.

Regardless of what you need today, you can come to Jesus and you can get it. Even if you have sought Him for it in the past and received no answer, today might be the day when He says, “Be it unto thee even as thou wilt.” Has He spoken to you today? Get to Him and get what you need from Him. He is an awesome God. May His name be praised forever and ever!

*🛐MORNING PRAYER IN THE FACE OF REJECTION🛐*

My whole life I’ve searched for a love to satisfy the deepest longings within me to be known, treasured, and wholly accepted.

When You created me, Lord, Your very first thought of me made Your heart explode with a love that set You in pursuit of me. Your love for me was so great that You, the God of the whole universe, went on a personal quest to woo me, adore me, and finally grab hold of me with the whisper, “I will never let you go.

Lord, I release my grip on all the things I was holding on to, preventing me from returning Your passionate embrace. I want nothing to hold me but You. So, with breathless wonder, I give You all my faith, all my hope, and all my love.
I picture myself carrying the old, torn- out boards that inadequately propped me up and placing them in a pile.

This pile contains other things I can remove from me now that my new intimacy- based identity is established.

I lay down my need to understand why things happen the way they do.
I lay down my fears about others walking away and taking their love with them.

I lay down my desire to prove my worth.
I lay down my resistance to fully trust Your thoughts, Your ways, and Your plans, Lord.

I lay down being so self- consumed in an attempt to protect myself.

I lay down my anger, unforgiveness, and stubborn ways that beg me to build walls when I sense hints of rejection.

I lay all these things down with my broken boards and ask that Your holy fire consume them until they become weightless ashes.

And as I walk away, my soul feels safe. Held. And truly free to finally be me. Amen.

*💖DO HAVE A GRACIOUS THURSDAY- 💖*

*💥BLESSINGS DOUBLE DOUBLE💥*

Things that Kill Marriages

[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: What can kill marriage
1. Lack of Forgiveness
There is no marriage without issues. The success of your marriage depends on your ability to exercise forgiveness.
Learn to extend forgiveness because it’s critical to harmony. Instead of obsessing about how you’ve been wronged, treat your spouse how God treats you. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 2. Money/Mbesa/Mbecha/Pesa
This is one of the biggest killers of marriage...and this is what the Bible says:
“For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves through with many griefs.” (1 Timothy 6:10)

"Financial pressures and very different or even opposing financial styles — spending versus saving, risk versus reward — can sabotage a marriage even more effectively than sexual issues or even fundamental differences such as whether to have children or not."
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 3. Infidelity
The grass looks green across the fence..this again is one of the biggest problems that we have as a people..there is so much infidelity even in the church. People are sleeping around left right and centre...and women and men are sleeping together even when they know they are married...the upsurge of mwk..mpango wa kando..side kicks or is it chick?
Lust always leads to infidelity of the heart, mind, and body. No sexual experience outside of marriage is okay. God will never lead you to fall in love with someone other than your spouse. “You shall not commit adultery.” (Exodus 20:14)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 4. Insecurity and Worry
Take your eyes off the world and its illusion of happiness; you will never find peace from anyone or anything the world offers you. Trust in the Lord. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow.” (Matthew 6:32-33)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 5. Secret Sins
If you hide a sinful fantasy or habit, it will grow stronger; pretending something doesn’t exist or isn’t wrong gives it greater power over your life. “You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence.” (Psalm 90:8)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 8. Selfishness
We all look out for ourselves, especially when someone challenges our desires. Begin considering your spouse’s perspective first; winning an argument only weakens your marriage. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:23)
There is therefore need for some compromise..."One of the most overlooked reasons why marriages fail is how people define compromise. While compromise is considered to be the cornerstone of any relationship, most people assume that means that some of the time, each partner gets what they want. Actually, the true definition of compromise in the context of marriage is that neither party gets what they really want. Marriage is tough. You have to be …
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: [19/05 20:13] Kyalo: 6. Children
The presence or lack of children has made marriages collapse. It is your responsibility never to allow anything to break your covenant.
The Bible is the best parenting source available; seek to follow Christ and point your kids toward Christ, and parenting details will fall into place. “Do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)
[19/05 20:14] Kyalo: 7. Interference from Others
A marriage with more than one person is a crowd...it is this crowd that keeps interfering with marriages and causing rifts between couples.
Dysfunctional or controlling relatives and friends will put tremendous pressure on your family unit; seek God’s wisdom and perspective about h…
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 9. Entitlement Mentality
Self-pity, disillusionment, and frustration come from an “I-deserve-this” attitude. Watch for these feelings—the core problem is self-worship. “You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:2-3)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 10. Spiritual and Emotional Immaturity
Maturity takes a lifetime, so give your spouse room to grow without ridiculing or reprimanding for him/her for immaturity. Surround your marriage with godly, mature role models. “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things.”(Philippians 3:14-15)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 11. Grief and Depression
Lack of support during such moments leads to collapse of marriages...Everyone goes through periods of grief and sadness; be supportive and understanding when your spouse is sad, by gently guiding him/her toward help. “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.” (Psalm 31:9)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 12. Greed
This is one major factor driving corruption in our country...and it kills marriages too
You were created to be satisfied only in God’s presence. Don’t feed grief because the things you want will not satisfy you. “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to one and despise the other.” (Luke 16:13)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 13. Shame
Some spouses keep rubbing it in...to hurt you.
God’s Spirit convicts us when we sin; He doesn’t shame us for our mistakes. Embrace that fact that Jesus’ grace will set you free from the shame you feel. “I live in disgrace all day long and my face is covered with shame.” (Psalm 44:15)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 14. Anger
I am aware of some of us who walked out of good marriages coz you could not manage or control your anger.
If you have a short fuse, you need to find out why and stop making excuses. Get help to overcome this destructive and addictive habit. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 15. Dishonesty
Some marriages were founded on deceit from the beginning. Never lie, mislead, or deceive your spouse; don’t keep secrets because it will drive a wedge between you. Plus, one falsehood always births another one. “Do not lie to each other.” (Colossians 3:9)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 16. Worldliness/Ungodliness
When your hearts pines for recognition, wealth, and beauty, you will believe that your worth is attached to who you are and what you do; and the more you doubt your worth, the more you will find your spouse to be unsatisfactory. “Teaching us, that denying all ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present world.” (Titus 2:12)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 18. Past Disappointments
Some spouses do not have capacity to take in disappointments and opt to walk out.
 “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 42:5)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 19. Different Priorities/Value System
A marriage founded on different belief and value systems is likely to collapse.
 “How can a young person stay on a path to purity? By living according to your word? I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.” (Psalm 119:10-11)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 20. Self-image/Low Self-Esteem
This again is very common..and people who suffer from this cannot sustain a marriage.
If you suffer from low self-esteem, the solution is not to love yourself more—it’s to love God and thank Him for His ongoing work in your life. Let God transform you into His image; embrace your process, instead of comparing yourself to others. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14)
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 21. The internet:
"There are many ways to cheat using the internet. One example I call cyber-straying involves covertly looking up old flames and high school sweethearts, despite being (supposedly happily) married to someone else. Curiosity compromises trust, and secrets are relationship saboteurs.The key to resisting temptation is to avoid it. Use Facebook to keep up with family and close friends, not shadow your high school flame. And reflect your marital status in your social media profiles to avoid old flames reaching out to you."
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 22. Lost attraction/Attactiveness:
"No amount of counseling or talking through a problem is going to fix broken attraction. If one or both partners gains a lot of weight, loses passion, or changes significantly in some way, it is going to impact the romantic connection, turning marriage into a roommate or friendship situation. This leads to romantic temptations that often end marriages. I believe this is one of the main issues couples face but nobody wants to discuss, because it seems 'shallow' to suggest physical attraction and romantic chemistry might be important even after years of marriage, and many therapists themselves are in 'dead bedroom' scenarios and don't know how to adequately help couples."
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 23. Lack of Manners:
Or lack of it...has caused many marriages to die. We have spouses who are just too mannerless...
Even when things get tense, frustrating, or busy, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be polite and courteous toward your spouse. This is the person you are sharing your home, finances, and life with, yet people continue to treat their co-workers and friends with more decency than they do the person they marry. A simple 'please' or 'thank you' really can go a long way, and is one of the easiest things to do.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 24. Financial Infidelity:
I had talked about finances...but this one is similar but slightly different. You hide stuff from your spouse..lie on expenditures, hide money in secret bank accounts and always pretend to be broke.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 25. Failing to Seek Therapy
You go venting to friends and family instead of a Therapist: "When we're upset with our partner, it's all to easy to call a friend or family member to vent. Don't do it! Your friends and family will often take your side and in the end look at your partner in a negative light. They may not hear the whole story, just your perspective, and give you advice that negatively affects your relationship. Set boundaries with others, including friends, in-laws, and children. Don't share personal details of your relationship, such as fights or your sex life, with others s. If you feel the need to speak with someone about your issues, seek out a therapist. Therapist are neutral parties who will not take sides."

That is why we have madam @Grace Kariuki here...to help walk with you when you need therapy
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 26. Differing Love Languages:
I guess many of us have read Dr. Gary Chapman's book: The 5 Love Languages... to help couples learn and speak the language of their spouse. We all have a predominant love language: quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, or gift giving. When someone speaks our language, we feel loved. Some marriages have dies coz you have differing love languages...like Greek and Kamba😅
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 27. Marriage Focused on Wedding:
Too much focus on the wedding at the expense of the marriage kills marriages. Too many couples spend their time planning a wedding and not planning their marriage. They don't invest enough time talking about their expectations for the future. They don't discuss important issues like budgeting, family boundaries, children, and priorities. Instead, they spend their time talking about wedding favors, caterers, and guest lists. If people invested more time into planning their future together as a couple, they could address their expectations and adjust their plans to meet one another's needs.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 28. You married for the wrong reasons:
Marrying for the wrong reasons, like for the money or settling to not be alone, leads to an unstable foundation. At some point, the couple will realize they aren't compatible or one might start to love themselves more and want to be with someone who fulfills their needs as they start to value themselves.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 29. No Chemistry/Compatibility:
You did not share basic core beliefs, values, and agendas. Chemistry is what sweeps people off their feet in the beginning, but you need to be compatible with one another if you're going to make it over the long haul.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 30. Untreated Mental Illness:
This includes someone who is depressed, anxious, schizophrenic, or bipolar.... it is extremely difficult to maintain a relationship because the individual's emotions can be random. It can be a great strain on a person without the mental illness to accommodate that in their partner.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 31. Mediocre/Bad Sex/Too Much Sex:
You got married expecting sex 24/7...great sex...and then you were met with the 1 second episodes. We cannot underestimate the power and importance of sex. It is the glue that sticks couples together. Some marriages have died due to sex related issues.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 32. No Courtship:
After taking each other home, the chase stops and esp the wife feels neglected. Marriage becomes so manual. Manual marriages can survive but through kuvumilia...forbearance. When life gets busy, it's easy to lose sight of each other and forget about scheduling date night and time together. All intimate relationships need periodic and regular tune-in time to talk and reconnect.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 33. One Sided Growth:
Some people have outgrown their spouses and chose to walk out instead of helping each other to grow - academically, careerwise etc.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 35. All Destructive Hobby:
These hobbies can be soccer, politics, dancing, hanging out with buddies or golf. By the time s/he came back there was no marriage.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 34. Careers Come First:
Couples are too busy to in their offices and missing in each other's lives. Couples often invest all of their time into their careers while neglecting their relationship with their partner. When this happens, resentment begins to build within one or both partners. Most couples don't have the tools needed to work through these resentments, which often lead to feeling disconnected and detached. This disconnection due to not keeping the relationship a priority will quickly lead to marriage failure.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 36. Big Life Change:
Crises of any kind — death of a loved one, loss of a job, illness, moving, natural disasters, etc. — are emotionally stressful situations and can add strain to or even end a marriage. Ideally, these situations would find a couple drawing closer, becoming supportive and comforting each other, but too often the opposite occurs. The couple grows apart in their grief and depression.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 37. Prioritizing Kids Over Spouse:
You are aware that some marriages went south coz esp mothers focus on the kids and neglect their spouses...
A couple's inability to switch from 'parent' mode to 'couple' mode after kids are born can damage the relationship. When a couple has children, usually the first thing to go is together time. Most parents expend the majority of their energy on the kids, work and home, leaving little time and interest in their spouse. This lack of interest often leads to alienation and can leave one or both spouses feeling alone. Feelings of loneliness and inattentiveness can lead to infidelity, depression and/or frustration causing a demise in the relationship.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 39. Attitude Over Gratitude:
We know that your attitude determines your altitude. When we feel valued in a relationship, we don't tend to leave. Simple words, like 'thank you,' can have a powerful effect in making a person feel appreciated for his/her unique strengths, talents, and values.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 40. You Got married too young:
Some people got married to run away from something and had no idea what they were getting themselves into coz of age. By the time you came to terms with what marriage entails you were already a wife but could not take it any more...age here is relative
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 41. Unrealistic Expectations:
People enter relationships with preset beliefs about how they expect their relationship to be. Often, these expectations come from the models they saw in their family of origin or from previous relationships. When expectations are not communicated and therefore not met, huge disappointment can result. Often the person, feeling sad and disappointed, will convey those feelings through passive aggressive behavior which leads to resentment.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 42. Unresolved Childhood Issues:
We offload our childhood baggage to your spouse and blame him or her for your issues.  Understanding your own and your partner's past and how it plays a role can help resolve issues.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 43. Culture of Instant Gratification:
We live in an on-demand culture that teaches us we should get what we want immediately. In a marriage, this often manifests as each partner putting way more emphasis on their own needs versus the needs of the other. However, if you focus on putting your partner's needs first, you're in a better position to get your needs met (unless you are married to a narcissist).
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 44. Contract Not Covenant:
Marriage is often seen as a contract rather than a covenant. Because of this, people leave out of their own displeasure too early, opting out the way they would out of a business arrangement. A covenant, however, implies a different value set, and a key to keeping marriages intact is to recognize the higher importance of their marriage covenant.
[09:23, 11/7/2019] Love Dee SM: 45. Fear of Pain:
Marriages are at times full of pain and there are people who walk out once they experience some form of pain..not the pain of abuse etc...just the normal challenges.

God is Messing me up for a Message

God is Messing me up for a Message 

Just before I left for work, she calls out!
"Mommy, Moooommmyy, come see!"

I rush to the living room.
The sight! Oh my Lord! Not when am about to leave for work!

Am tempted to lash out but I hold back!

"Baby girl, you made a mess! why?"
She says, "See, I made a big big mess! see! It looks like stars of God! See!"

I can't see any stars, only a big mess and a whole clean up before I leave... and a tick tock clock that reminds me of the traffic am about to run into.

Then I thought to myself, "Lord I have never seen this many stars in a mess! Could you be having a message for me that I need to hear?"

...as I drove to work, He had a message for me..

A message from your mess!

See, we think that the Lord's message always comes crisp clean to us. No messes. Just white linen dipped in lavender!
Yet, God has to make a mess out of you for His message to be born!

He loves the messy marriages to prove that indeed He can restore what no man can! TIME!
He loves the messed hearts, to prove that He can restore and create new hearts altogether.

He loves the messed family relationships to prove that beyond any doubt, He can restore and mend the broken bridges.

He loves the broken roads to prove that He make a way where there seems to be no way.
He loves the patched hearts and souls to prove that He can make us lie down in green pastures once more.
He makes a message out of any mess!

Instead of being myopic as I was this morning, ask the Lord to teach you and give you His message through any mess you could be going with!

Yes there are "many stars of God in that mess! you just have to see through the eyes of the Lord!"

Borrowed from Mary Munene